


Therapy, Road Trips and a Wilting Rose

by fluffy_Socks19



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Crying, F/M, Other, Post-Canon, Recovery, Steven’s Road Trip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:40:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23556211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffy_Socks19/pseuds/fluffy_Socks19
Summary: A series of short chapters detailing some of Steven’s life, relationships, and road trip stops after the events of ‘I Am My Monster’.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Comments: 5
Kudos: 46





	1. They were alone, they were together and they were happy

Forming Stevonnie was harder after, well, after everything.

The first time Steven and Connie had fused after his... _meltdown_ had been short.

They were laying on his bed, just over a week since Steven had corrupted himself, his bruises still healing and the skin on his back scabbing over. They weren’t talking, just being in eachother’s company was good enough. Besides, talking would lead to crying, at least on Steven’s end, and he was so tired of crying right now. He just wanted to be happy with her.

She was holding his hand, squeezing his fingers every so often to remind him she was there. 

“Steven?” She asked, her voice almost making his jump.

He hummed an acknowledgment.

He felt her shift and opened his eyes to see her looking down at him, propped up on her elbow. She was blushing, “can I kiss you?”

They’d kissed before, they’d already been dating for a couple months, but Steven still blushed right back when he replied. “Yes.”

She leant down on her arm and pressed her lips to his. It was soft and quick, not lingering any longer than would make either of them uncomfortable. When she pulled away she didn’t move from him, instead resting her forehead against his and sighing happily.

He closed his eyes and when they opened them again they were different. For starters they were a _they_ now. Their legs were a lot longer too.

Stevonnie shot up in Steven’s bed, hands in their curls. They instantly regretted it when sore and strained muscles screamed at them and they felt the scabs on their back pull. “Ow!” They hissed, wincing. They looked down at themself, seeing Steven’s jeans and his jacket and Connie’s shirt and-

The pink glint of Steven’s gem taunted them, pulling tears out of their eyes and down their cheeks. Their hands were glowing pink and they could feel Steven coming to the surface, Connie’s pleas to calm down and _just breathe_ being pushed down. 

There was a flash of pink light and then Steven was on the ground, desperately pulling his shirt down to cover his gem, tears rolling down his cheeks, skin and hair glowing pink, much taller and broader than before. Connie had landed on the bed, which she scrambled off to go to him.

There was talking and crying and yelling- mostly on Steven’s part- and more crying until he finally calmed down, his tears slowing and the glowing calming down. It ended with his face buried in Connie’s neck, with her gently rubbing his shoulder blades.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he repeated as she gently shushed him.

“Why are you apologising?” 

“Be-because I fused with you.” 

She pulled away to lift his chin so she could see his face, it was tear stained and red and she leaned in to kiss his forehead. “You don’t have to apologise for that.”

“Y-yeah,” he argued. “I didn’t ask.”

“Neither did I.” 

“You don’t have a gem,” his hand pulled his shirt down further. She stilled it with her own.

“Steven, if I didn’t want to fuse with you, we wouldn’t be able to form Stevonnie.” She brushed curls from his face with the back of her hand, “now where would you ever get the idea that I wouldn’t want to fuse with you?”

“The-when-well, when I,” he bit his lip, “when I proposed.”

She resisted the urge to wince and look away, watching him instead. “What about it?” 

He took a deep breath, staring down at his knees. “When I proposed, it was because I wanted to form Stevonnie permanently, so we could be together forever.” He fiddled with his thumbs while Connie held his cheek, brushing her thumb against a stubborn curl. “I thought that since you- since you said no...” He trailed off, grimacing.

“You thought that I wouldn’t want to fuse anymore?” She supplied. He nodded. “Oh, Steven,” she breathed. “First of all, I said _not now_ ,” Steven blushed as she leant in to kiss his hairline. “And secondly, I love fusing with you and I love Stevonnie. I’m my own person and I want to live my own life, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to fuse anymore.” She grimaced, “I’m not phrasing this right.”

“No! No, I think I’m getting it,” Steven was looking at her now, holding the wrist of the hand that was holding his face. He looked away for a moment, a light dusting of blush across his cheeks, before looking up at her through his lashes. “Can we try it again?”

Connie smiled, nodded and said, “let’s get on the bed first.” 

So they sat on the bed, Steven with his legs crossed and Connie on her knees. She watched as he stared at his jeans, waiting until he was ready. It took a couple minutes, holding his hand and a gentle kiss to his temple for him to meet her eyes and nod. She leant forward and slid her arms around his neck, his wrapped around her waist. A hug, nothing more, nothing less- she didn’t want to overwhelm him. He pulled her with him as he leant backwards and they landed on the covers as Stevonnie.

They laid there, hands just above where their belly button would be. 

“Donuts? _Donuts._ ” They nodded to themself before rolling off the bed. 

There was a mirror in Steven’s room, a smallish rectangular one that sat the corner across from his bed. Stevonnie saw themself in it and bent down to see their face. They fixed their hair, pushing it back and tying it with the hair tie on their wrist- they actually had a moment of worry that it would snap. They took a moment to study their face, running a fingertip down the length of their nose and across their jaw.

They stopped to meet their own eyes in the mirror. “We can stop if it’s too much.” There was a pause, a moment to gather thoughts, “ _no, no. I’m happy_.” 

They took a deep breath, a small smile forming on their face, “I’m happy.”

Despite the scabs along their back and the gem in their navel that taunted one of their counterparts, they were happy.

It was the truth. There was no Steven lying to himself to keep his family happy, and there was no Connie brushing off her mother’s worries about studying, there was only Stevonnie. There was no one to lie to. 

They were alone, they were together, and they were happy.


	2. There’s still sand in my shoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you’ve lived on the beach your entire life, you get used to a couple things: the sound of waves lapping against the shore; the smell of the ocean, the clean air; the freezing breeze that swept off the off the water in the winter; and the inevitable fact that sand gets in every crevice, your clothes, your hair, your bed, your shoes.

When you’ve lived on the beach your entire life, you get used to a couple things: the sound of waves lapping against the shore; the smell of the ocean, the clean air; the freezing breeze that swept off the off the water in the winter; and the inevitable fact that sand gets in every crevice, your clothes, your hair, your bed, your shoes.

So it was a shock for Steven when the last of the sand had washed out of his roots and the smell of the ocean was gone from the Dondai. He wasn’t sure whether he liked it, but he supposed since this whole trip was about change, he might as well embrace the absence of the sea. 

—

At one of the gas stations he’d stopped at to both fill up the Dondai and grab snacks, he’d found those car scents in one of the aisles. The Dondai had still felt wrong, _different_ , so he decided to grab a couple, test them out, see which one he liked best.

He’d gotten back into the car, dropping the armful of granola bars and chips onto the passenger seat with bottles of water- Connie would be proud- and energy drinks- Connie would _not_ be proud, but she didn’t need to know. He picked out the car fresheners from the pile, placing them in his lap. 

He read each name before deciding on one, _’Royal Pine’_ it read. The packaging tore easily and he pulled it out, lifting it to his nose to sniff. He regretted even buying it.

It spelt like pine trees and adventure. It smelt like snow and a friend. Like tracks too big for any animal to make. It smelt like hiding in a tree, like a bad tasting drink made from pine needles. It smelt like danger, like a monster, like a fight, like an enemy. It smelt like fear and shaky hands around the hilt of a sword. 

He threw the car freshener in the glove box and shut it immediately. He ripped another package open and hung it up. It smelt like vanilla. He focused on that, slowing his breathing. It smelt like ice cream, like Cookie Cats, just without the chocolate biscuit. He remembered making them, he focused on that memory, rolling out the chocolate dough and cutting them out and adding the ice cream between the misshapen biscuits.

After a couple minutes, he slid a tape into the player- one with songs he and Connie had picked together- typed an address into the gps on his phone and the drove off. 

He replaced the car scent every couple weeks, a new one each time, but never a Pine-scented one- that one had been thrown in the trash as soon as he arrived at the motel that night. He found his favourite to be ‘New Car Smell’, it was just so simple and reminded him of driving the Dondai for the first time. He turned his nose up at anything with ‘Cinnamon’ in the name and Connie had scrunched up her face at a coconut smelling one. 

There was still one waiting for Steven to use, sitting in the tray in front of the gearbox. _’Ocean Breeze’_. He was scared to use it, if he was being honest. Scared that if he hung it up it’d smell too much like home and it’d be his favourite and he’d ruin any sort of progress.

Connie had been the one to hang it up, and he realised he had nothing to worry about. It wasn’t even that accurate, smelling more like clean laundry than the ocean. And it definitely wasn’t his favourite. So it stayed there for a couple weeks until Steven bought more and replaced it.

—

For the first couple days, it was easy to fall asleep, it just felt like a sleepover of some sort. But after about a week, he found himself tossing and turning in his bed, struggling to fall asleep. It was just something about the motels and the bed and breakfasts he went to that just felt off. Too quiet, too empty.

He brought it up with his therapist and she suggested thinking back to Beach City.

“How did you sleep there?” She asked.

He blinked at her through the screen, “fine. It was my home.”

“I mean, did you sleep in a certain position? With a certain pillow? Did you listen to anything to sleep?”

“Oh.” It hit him, “the ocean? If I couldn’t sleep I’d open the window and listen to the waves.”

She nodded, “okay, good. Do you think the absence of this noise is what’s making it hard for you to fall asleep?“

He nodded, shrugging his shoulders, “maybe.”

“You’re in a new place, with new sounds and smells and sights. I think having so many new changes to the way you sleep is why you’re suffering from a bit of insomnia.” She shifting in her chair, folding her hand over the other, “I think you should try to listen to something while you sleep; some white noise or ocean sounds, you can find lots of videos online.”

He nodded weakly, “okay.”

“Try it for a week and then see how you feel next session.”

So he did. And it worked, for the most part. Nothing would beat true ocean sounds, but listening to the videos helped. Although, a couple weeks after he started listening to them, on a day he was feeling homesick, the sounds just made him cry until he called up the gems.

He talked with them for a while before Pearl and Amethyst left Garnet alone with him. She told him she’d planned out exactly 2,837 weddings for him and had started to actually write them down. She already had two full binders stored away. Steven laughed and asked her if he could listen to the ocean. She placed the phone on the beach and he started to cry.

“Steven? Do you want to take lion here?” She asked.

He shook his head, “no, no, it’s okay.” He sniffed and used the heel of his palm to wipe his eyes. “Really. I’m just missing being on the beach, I think.” He paused, “and you guys too.” 

“Oh. Do you want us to come to you?”

“No, I’ll be alright. It’s just- I know I’m going to see Dad in a week, at Sadie and Shep’s show, and I see Connie like once a week. But I don’t know when I’ll see you guys again.”

She hummed in acknowledgement. 

“And I miss you guys, but I don’t think I can deal with anything gem-related right now. Plus, if I can’t deal with a couple weeks from you guys, how would I do living in another state for months without seeing you?”

“It’s, what’s the phrase? Baby steps, Steven. If you really need us, we’ll be there, and if you don’t want to see us, then we won’t get upset. Just know, Steven, that we love you and the thing we want the least is for you to be hurting because you push yourself too far.”

He nodded, sniffling and wiping away tears that threatened to drip off his chin, “okay. Thanks Garnet. I need to sleep, I have to be out of my room tomorrow at 10. Tell the gems goodnight and that I love them.”

“We love you too Steven. Goodnight.”

He smiled weakly, “I love you too, Goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t live on the beach, but we used to rent a beach house for a week once or twice a year so I have fond memories of the beach. I swear there’s still sand in my dads car even though its been years
> 
> Also! I should probably mention that I’ve never been to a therapist, so I don’t know firsthand what appointments are like :)
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and stay safe!

**Author's Note:**

> I love Stevonnie so expect way more chapters with them :D
> 
> Thank you for reading, stay safe! Kudos and comments make my day!


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